That one holiday with obscene amounts of candy. You know, the never-ending sugar highs.

I decided that I didn't want to procrastinate halloween costumes this year.  

Which, haha.  That's a funny joke.

But a few weeks before halloween, I said to my children, who were wavering between a princess and a witch, and the other spiderman verses batman (always go with batman!), "okay!  Time to commit to a costume.  Tell me what you want to be, and that's it! There will be no more changing!"

Ali said, in her most innocent voice, "I'm going to be a beautiful butterfly" and then did her little princess sigh while gazing gracefully up at the ceiling (I'm telling you she came right out of a princess movie. a la: enchanted, kid-size)

Mitchell said, "The mario mushroom"

"you mean toad?"

"no. the brown mushroom mario STOMPS ON!"

wow. um. awesome.  That's a really obscure character.  No batman and princess this year? Fine.  I can handle a butterfly (construction on that started immediately in my head.  The brown mushroom from mario? Yeah.  Let's embellish a brown hoodie and call it a day.

Except for I have this mom.  Who after I told this story to, said "Oh, he's going to be the mushroom Mario stomps on? I'm going to be Mario and stomp on him!"

Obviously, the only response to this is "Well.  I'm going to be BOWSER and stomp on YOU"

bowser.  BOWSER.  How in the world.

Meet Bowser.  The costume that doesn't exist under $200.

Fine.  are you committed to this Mitchell? We are NEVER CHANGING AGAIN.

My head took a long time to come up with some "feasible" construction which more or less included buying a green baseball cap, and then glueing some styrofoam to the top, carving the top half of his face/jaw, then covering that with some sort of cream fabric.  Also making a turtle shell backback, and appliqueing the crap out of some yellow sweats.

Great.  I have these moments of self confidence that scare rational me.

yellow sweats? Only available online for no less than $25, not to mention all the fabric needed to make this look realistic.

Which I'm still trying to do until one day when I glanced at some bowser pictures again, noticed, for the first time, he had a tail.  My head does these really realistic construction/pattern/assembly/"how to make this" almost instantly (note: rarely does it ever turn out that easy), but for some reason my brain, whilst in this construction video mode, also started flashing yellow, black and red lights "Abort! Abort!" and also "Overload" and also started flashing visuals of everything that could possibly go wrong.  And it was likely going to go wrong.  Anytime you plan to carve styrofoam on a whim, you should abort immediately.  That would have never happened as easily as my brain anticipated, I'm sure of it. My brain pulls similar stunts on me all the time. 

So I call Mitchell downstairs, sit him in front of me, take a deep breath, and say "you know.  I think it'd be really awesome to be that guy, bert, from mary poppins this year.  And ali can be mary poppins! Wouldn't that be adorable?"

"I don't like Mary Poppins!"

"Okay, well, also David Bowie, was really cool, and would also be so funny." (Looks at david bowie pics from the Labyrinth. 

"That's a girl!"

"That brown mushroom from mario was a really good idea. and *no one* would *ever* be that.  You'd be the only one!"

"No.  Everyone stomps on the brown mushroom."

Indeed.  So I took the conversation back to the roots of halloween.

"Batman would totally kick Bowsers trash.  are you sure you want to be bowser? Batman is seriously the best"

"Bowser breathes fire"

"yes, but Batman is Batman" 

"Batman would beat Bowser?" 

"yes."

"can batman beat everyone?"

"...yes..."

"Okay! I'll be batman!"

"Great! Lets go to Target and find one!"

*INSTANT MELTDOWN*

"*sobs* you saaaaiiiiiiidddd you could make me Batman! You said!"

"I never told you I was making Batman.  I said I'd make Bowser, but Batman is at target! He has strong muscles at Target"

"Fine.  Let's go to Target." and yells upstairs, "Alllliiiiii! Get your shoes on! We're going to Target"

Ali loves Target.  "We buy me a new barbie?"  For the love...... "not today."

We arrive at Target and the children are literally jumping, squealing, dancing and grabbing every costume down the picked-through costume isles.

"I be Princess Sofia! NO! I be Doc McStuffins! DOC! MC! STUFFINS!  Mitchell! Look! I be princess Cinderella!"

"Ali. You just got a princess Cinderella dress for your birthday. Do you want to be Cinderella? You can wear your new princess dress!"

"Yes. okay!" *pause* and glances 45 degrees to her right. And squeals the biggest squeal the earth has ever heard: "MINNNNNNNIIIIE MOUUSEE! I BE MINNIE! oh, minnie.  I love minnie.  Mom. It's minnie. I BE MINNIE! Mitchell, look! It's Minnie.  They have Minnie.  Target has Minnie.  I BE MINNNNNNIIIIIEEEE"

I thought she was going to pass out from just holding the dang thing.  She was almost in tears (happy tears, but they were so happy they looked very sad.  Have you seen that happy? It's really happy.)  Fine, Ali.  Your butterfly costume was going to be amazing, but whatevs.  This $15 piece of polyester crap, has sparkles.  I totally understand.

Mitchell.  On the other hand, found Batman and then did a little "hmph"  

"What?" I said.

"Well," says Mitchell "It's not Iron Man"

Iron Man was never even in the running.  "Pick out any costume you want.  I don't care."

"hmmmm" (he's very thoughtful) "I cannot wear masks to school so I cannot be power ranger...... I'll be The Wedgie!"

That's right.  He still pronounces Luigi, from the Mario games, as "the wedgie"

"You don't want to be Mario?"  (you know, the main guy. The only time anyone buys a Luigi is as a companion to Mario. lets be real here.

"No. The Wedgie is the best."

Okay.  Another polyester overpriced costume that will demolish after one hour. Done.   Done and done.

And they were the cutest minnie mouse and luigi anyone has ever seen.  Polyester for the win.

Meanwhile, pumpkins happened.

baking happened. chili (sans doughnuts though, boooo) happened. spiders on magnets happened (thank you Tara, for that idea).

And then visiting teaching sort of happened by default.

trick or treating happened (20 mins and bags were FULL.  I'd call that a success) and then a 45ish year old man, childless and alone, came to my door in full costume trick or treating.  I'm not one of those people that are rude to teenagers that are "too old" for trick or treating, but I did give him *one* 3 musketeers little bar (my least favorite.  I've figured out the trick.  Putting the gross candy on the top (yeah I sifted through it) eliminates all possibilities of unnecessary calories. Twix= Necessary calories.  Milky Way= Necessary calories.  3 Musketeers =not necessary at all.  But it's still usually eaten by me, during a "eat-chocoate-or-die" phase I find myself in, almost all the time.  See.  Halloween dieting made easy.)

Anyway, the guy was weird.  

My mother's costume happened.  She stole my idea so I have no guilt whatsoever posting this.

And this year I let my kids chow down on their bags practically unsupervised (also part of the new Halloween diet.  See.  If they eat it, there will be no stealing from me) Both kids were high on sugar for 2 days straight, but I figured it was better for my waistline and also their teeth.  They're back to their usual selfs which is nice.

Mitchell wants to marry Sabrina, and actually asked me if Sabrina could sleep in his bed after they got married. 

Uuuhhhhhmmmm.  "no.  No, no no.  After you get married you will leave.  And thus the bedroom and bed you are in will not be shared with any girls.  ever.  never, ever.  no girls in your bedroom.  Okay? Are you listening?" He wasn't.  He was freaking out because he never wants to leave. He's five, so this isn't really a concern to me.  I'm sure he'll be threatening to run away from home any day now. He currently threats "NO CUDDLES MOM! NO MORE!"  after timeouts, so it's only a matter of time.

Meanwhile, Ali, having been potty trained for almost an entire year, with *no* accidents.  Still does not go #2 on the potty. She waits until nap time or bedtime and then does it (presumably) in her sleep.  I thought she'd grow out of it, but alas, no.  That wasn't happening.  

So in a frustrated moment I said "Ali! If you go poo-poo on the potty we will go to the store and buy you a new barbie!" and Mitchell, having overheard the conversation, wanted a new toy too.  And so I said, "okay! If Ali goes on the potty, you can have a new toy too!" 

Talk about motivation.

For three days she randomly would sit on her little potty, fake crying, and pushing loud enough that the whole neighborhood could hear her.  It was sort of hilarious.  

And then, yes. The magic happened.  We practically ran to target and bought a new barbie.

She wants a barbie house for Christmas (I blame madee).  Mitchell wants legos.  The first year I'm trying not to have an anxiety attack over the price of toys.  I suppose they can't stay little forever.  And I know it gets worse.  Welcome to the holidays, I guess.